An Anxious Girl In A Scary World

   How many times have you crawled into bed exhausted from the day only to find yourself wide awake?      For some reason it seems like all of our worst fears, embarrassing moments and troublesome thoughts play before us like a movie reel. Instead of having a wonderful nights sleep like we envisioned, we are kept up by those daunting thoughts.      There have been countless nights where I have been haunted by embarrassing moments that happened months ago, years ago, or even in elementary school! At times I'm up having fake arguments in my head with people. Other times, I'm visualizing myself in horrific scenarios that will most certainly never happen.      At times like these it feels like I'll never be able to sleep so I might as well not even try. But that's not the way to go. Often times when I do eventually fall asleep, I'll wake up in the morning feeling more exhausted than that I was that night. And some times I'm even cran...

     There are times when we are having a rough day and we can’t seem to keep our anxiety in check. Sometimes there is a rough couple of days, a week or what feels like your entire life. When it gets too much to manage we tend to say things to ourselves like “why am I this way”, “Why can’t I just be normal”, “You’re so ridiculous, just get a grip already.” Those are not nice things to say to yourself. In fact, that kind of thinking will literally solve nothing. It just adds to the stigma that people who suffer from mental health issues are “damaged.” We’re not damaged. I’m not. You’re not.      Those negative things you tell yourself aren’t true. Be kind to yourself. If you saw someone who was sad, what would you do? Would you walk up to them and tell that they are being a wuss and that they are stupid for being sad? NO. You would comfort them, ask them what’s wrong, and try to console them. If you saw someone bullying your friend, would yo...

I just recently went through a break up with my boyfriend of 6 years. It was very hard and sad. It's especially hard because I am a very dependent person. Along with my social anxiety I have a co-dependency issue. I attach to people very easily and I don't detach very well. I usually have a someone else I talk to immediately even though I'm not over my ex. I just don't know how to be alone. So, lets talk about co-dependency.      Well, this is not my first break up so I know how I usually am when I do go through one. This time I made a promise to myself I wouldn't let myself get sucked into the boy vortex.  After breaking up with my first serious boyfriend I fell down the rabbit hole of boys and it took me a while to climb back out. In my mind I figured I was "finally free" so now I could go around fooling with boys, taking to boys, going out with boys. In the moment I was okay with what I was doing but in the moments where I was left with only my thought...

Let's talk about phone calls. For me, phone calls have always been very intimidating.  Not talking with your friends, parents or significant other but making phone calls to doctors, take out places, nail salons, department stores, etc.. Now, I don't know why making these phone calls makes me feel so anxious or scared but the fact of the matter is that they do. I would have my mom call for me any time I had to make a phone call. I would pass off my phone to a friend if we were ordering pizza or Chinese food or making a dinner reservation.  There came a time though when I had to start making these calls for myself. I couldn't always rely on friends or family to make calls because there would be a point when they wouldn't be around. I had to learn for myself to pick up the phone.  The important thing to remember is that the person on the other end doesn't know that you are nervous. They can't see your face, they don't know who you are. You could ...

What is self advocating? I'm glad you asked! Googles definition is "the act of representing oneself or ones opinion and views." To me, self advocating means standing up for yourself. Whether it be about something you WANT to do or DON'T want to do, your opinion on a matter, your view or something in the workplace or at home. Regardless of where you are or what you're doing or who you are with, self advocacy is a very important quality to have.  I learned recently that it is 100% okay to stand up for what you believe in or stand up for how you feel. I have struggled with this for such a long time and when I finally did it I was amazed by how much better I felt. Sometimes, a friend will ask something of us (that we don't even want to do) but we will agree to it because it's so much easier than having to say no and worry that they will be mad. But how many times have you done that and then felt so much worse than you would have if you had just said ...

The past couple of days.. well the past week actually has been pretty crappy. I've had a lot of really crummy things happen to me two days in a row with a grace period of about 2 days and then again two days in a row something happened. It's really throwing me for a loop. I have been feeling lousy and not quite like myself. I've been trying to stay pretty positive but it's kind of hard when life keeps throwing you curve balls. It feels like no matter what I've been telling myself (positively) it's not really sinking in. Nothing seems to be working this week. I'm so tired of all this lousy-ness. But actually, feeling this way makes me think of what I had told someone. I told him that "some days are worse than others and some days aren't bad at all. But when we get to the good days it's like the bad ones don't even matter anymore." I think I need to try and remember this for myself. These past few days have been sucky but I know t...

In 5 days I will have reached the one year mark at my job!  I can't even believe it! I never thought that it was possible!  Almost a year ago I walked into my store and nervously asked if they were hiring. I filled out the application online and called them to let them know I had done the application.  A few days later I had an interview and my manger told me I got the job! It was the most nerve-racking, terrifying, best day ever!  You see, getting that job was so amazing for me. I used to think that there was no way that I could possibly get a job. My anxiety was too great, I didn't believe in myself, my self esteem was almost nonexistent. I didn't think I could handle the pressure. I thought I would mess up, be a failure. Also, I liked living in my bubble. I liked how things were in my life. I didn't want to change anything. I was too scared to put myself out there just to be denied or made to feel worse.  But my friends kept badgering me about not ...