Believe

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In 5 days I will have reached the one year mark at my job! 
I can't even believe it! I never thought that it was possible! 
Almost a year ago I walked into my store and nervously asked if they were hiring. I filled out the application online and called them to let them know I had done the application. 
A few days later I had an interview and my manger told me I got the job!
It was the most nerve-racking, terrifying, best day ever! 
You see, getting that job was so amazing for me. I used to think that there was no way that I could possibly get a job. My anxiety was too great, I didn't believe in myself, my self esteem was almost nonexistent. I didn't think I could handle the pressure. I thought I would mess up, be a failure. Also, I liked living in my bubble. I liked how things were in my life. I didn't want to change anything. I was too scared to put myself out there just to be denied or made to feel worse.  But my friends kept badgering me about not having a job. My parents brought it up every now and then. It made me feel worse about it and myself. 
I realized that for me to feel like a "normal" person (something I've always wanted but never felt like) I had to go out do something that a "normal" person my age would do. And that was getting a job. 
 
Up until I got the interview I had been journaling and meeting with my therapist, working up the courage to go and LOOK for a job. Then I spent hours looking up facts on the internet about how to prepare for an interview. 
It all paid off and now I am just about at my one year anniversary. 
 
I know that not everyone has/had such fear of something that seems so simple but if any of you out there feel the way I did about getting a job, I promise it will be okay. 
 
Something that really made a difference for me was writing down a list of things I could do with a job and the things I couldn't do without one.
 
Things I could do with a job:
Gain confidence 
Meet new people
Have money 
Afford the little things I would want
Take proper care of my puppy
Afford to go to school
Not depend on people
Be happy
Be independent
Not be embarrassed about my life and situation
Go out with friends and not worry about money
Move out 
 
Things that I can't do without a job:
Take care of myself. 
Take care of my puppy
Be independent; I'll always have to rely on friends and family 
Never gain the confidence I could have
Be a sheltered turtle 
Experience life because I can't afford to go out
 
I looked at this list over and over again to remind myself about what I was working for.
Then, before I knew it, I had an interview, got the job, and here I am almost a year later. 
 
Since getting the job I have learned so much: 
I'm not as fragile as I thought I was. 
I have always had courage even if I didn't think I did. 
The world is not as scary as I led myself to believe. 
I am strong. 
I am likable. 
I am confident. 
I can be happy. 
There are so many more things but I won't bore you with them! 
 
So, have no fear, never give up. You may surprise yourself. I believe in you even if you don't believe in yourself. 
Friendly Reminder:
1. Make a list. 
2. Write down your automatic thoughts
3. Do a rational thought worksheet 
4. Talk it out 
5. BELIEVE IN YOURSELF

With Love & Support, 
Anxiety Girl - xoxo

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