Self-Advocate

What is self advocating? I'm glad you asked!

Googles definition is "the act of representing oneself or ones opinion and views."

To me, self advocating means standing up for yourself. Whether it be about something you WANT to do or DON'T want to do, your opinion on a matter, your view or something in the workplace or at home. Regardless of where you are or what you're doing or who you are with, self advocacy is a very important quality to have. 

I learned recently that it is 100% okay to stand up for what you believe in or stand up for how you feel. I have struggled with this for such a long time and when I finally did it I was amazed by how much better I felt.

Sometimes, a friend will ask something of us (that we don't even want to do) but we will agree to it because it's so much easier than having to say no and worry that they will be mad. But how many times have you done that and then felt so much worse than you would have if you had just said "no"? If your answer is "countless times" , "too many times", "all the time", or anything like that, then you are like me and it's time to start self advocating! 

Let me give you an example.

A few days before St. Patrick's day I was asked to attend a bar crawl with some people. It sounded like fun but I wasn't really all that interested in going. I said "maybe" or "I don't know" or "I'll think about it" numerous times but one person in particular kept badgering me to go. Against my better judgement I eventually agreed. The day of the event I was having serious anxiety about going and I tried to tell this person that I has changed my mind and I wasn't going to go. This person wasn't satisfied with that so the pestering began and then so did the guilt trip. I folded like a house of cards. I said "ok, I'll still go." 

A few hours into the night of the bar crawl I could feel that I had started to reach my drink limit. But then my "friend" kept egging me on about having another drink. So I had one. Then another. If I didn't want have one then, as usual, I was talked into having another one. As the night progressed I realized I had WAY too much to drink which lead to some very bad behavior and some actions better left in the past. The next day I had realized I had done some things I'm not proud of and I was so ashamed of my behavior. 

The moral of the story is that if I had said "no" and stood firm on that then I would not have gone. If I hadn't gone then I would not have drank so much and if I had not drank so much I would not have made those horrible decisions. 

So, don't be afraid to say NO to someone. Don't be afraid to say "hey, this is my decision and you have to respect that". Don't be afraid of standing up for yourself because in the end YOU are the one who has to live with the choices YOU make. Not anyone else. 

This doesn't only apply to saying NO. 

If you want to get a blue car instead of a red car which your friend/boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/mother wants you to get, well then self advocate and get the blue car! 

If you want to get extra pickles on your sandwich/burger but your friend Freddy* thinks you should probably cut back on the pickles, well then self advocate and eat ALL the pickles you want. 

If Sandy* thinks you should climb a mountain with her but you are afraid of heights and would rather  go camping then SELF ADVOCATE and tell sandy how you feel!

What about John!?* John wants you to stop dyeing your hair fabulous colors like pink and blue and green and purple but YOU love those colors. SELF ADVOCATE and dye your hair any color you gosh darn please! 

I learned the hard way, quite a few times, that sometimes when you do eventually start standing up for yourself some people won't like it. But that's out of your control. You have to live this life for you and not for other people. It might be hard because you might lose a friend on the way or upset someone but if they really, truly are your friend they will respect your decision and if they can't then maybe they weren't really your friend in the first place. 

Yes, I know that is hard to hear but you will be glad to know that YOU will feel much better about yourself knowing that you can stand up for yourself. It will make such a difference in the long run and you will be a happier and stronger you!

Good luck!

*Made up names

With Love & Support,

Anxiety Girl - xoxo