An Anxious Girl In A Scary World

The past couple of days.. well the past week actually has been pretty crappy. I've had a lot of really crummy things happen to me two days in a row with a grace period of about 2 days and then again two days in a row something happened. It's really throwing me for a loop. I have been feeling lousy and not quite like myself. I've been trying to stay pretty positive but it's kind of hard when life keeps throwing you curve balls. It feels like no matter what I've been telling myself (positively) it's not really sinking in. Nothing seems to be working this week. I'm so tired of all this lousy-ness. But actually, feeling this way makes me think of what I had told someone. I told him that "some days are worse than others and some days aren't bad at all. But when we get to the good days it's like the bad ones don't even matter anymore." I think I need to try and remember this for myself. These past few days have been sucky but I know t...

In 5 days I will have reached the one year mark at my job!  I can't even believe it! I never thought that it was possible!  Almost a year ago I walked into my store and nervously asked if they were hiring. I filled out the application online and called them to let them know I had done the application.  A few days later I had an interview and my manger told me I got the job! It was the most nerve-racking, terrifying, best day ever!  You see, getting that job was so amazing for me. I used to think that there was no way that I could possibly get a job. My anxiety was too great, I didn't believe in myself, my self esteem was almost nonexistent. I didn't think I could handle the pressure. I thought I would mess up, be a failure. Also, I liked living in my bubble. I liked how things were in my life. I didn't want to change anything. I was too scared to put myself out there just to be denied or made to feel worse.  But my friends kept badgering me about not ...

Hi Everyone!  I know it's been a while since I posted! Sorry about that.  I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving!  Today I want to talk about change!  Now, for the most part I don't want anything to do with change but sometimes it is necessary. Sometimes change can seem like a bad thing. A scary thing. I used to not want anything to do with it but I found that I don't mind it so much anymore.  I'm not talking about life altering change or anything major just a mini change.  Having anxiety made change hard for me because I liked things the way they were. I thought I wasn't equipped to mentally deal with change.  I knew that it was inevitable, though. You can't run from it. Getting a job was change. Going to school was change. All these things are necessary to moving on in life.  I started small. Nothing major. Nothing drastic.  I rearranged my bedroom. Tossed old things that I had no use for. That little bit of chan...

I learned something the other day.  It doesn't really have anything to do with anxiety but it was a very valuable life lesson for me.  It was that words really CAN hurt people.  I made a comment to a friend and I hadn't thought about it again. I didn't think about what I had said. It was off my mind as soon as I said it. It wasn't until the next day when she confronted me about it that I realized how upset I had made her and how hurt she was.  In my mind, I was joking. I didn't mean for it to sound mean or for it to be hurtful.  Seeing how hurt she was hurt me. I am not a mean person. But I felt absolutely horrible about it. I had no idea that what I had said would have such a big impact on her.  I was so mortified and mad at myself I actually had to excuse myself. I sat in the bathroom and cried for 10 minutes. Of course, I apologized probably a hundred times but I felt like "sorry" wasn't enough. She forgave me and we moved on but it was ...

Afternoon Bloggers!  The other day turned out better than I thought! My DM visit was great. I didn't get asked any questions and our store passed its evaluation! Lesson Learned: our expectations are worse than what actually happens! In other news.. I don't really have any news!  So that's positive! The worst is behind me.  So, I think what I'd like to say today is just take things one day at a time. It's so easy to overwhelm yourself and its harder to become less overwhelmed. Don't let yourself get to that point.  Try to focus on what's going on today. Don't worry about tomorrow or the next day or next week. They haven't arrived yet. Life is more manageable when you can focus on the present and when life is more manageable so is your anxiety.  So, do your writing, rework your thoughts, make a list, and believe that everything will turn out how it's supposed to.  With Love & Support, Anxiety Girl - xoxo

Well, I thought I had escaped the clutches of the scary DM but I guess I spoke too soon. My district manager will be making an appearance this afternoon and I am freaking out. I only saw him once in the entire year that I have worked for the company and I was successful in avoiding him. But I don't believe I shall be so lucky today.  I know all the techniques to go over so I don't sit here and overthink and catastrophize but sometimes I still struggle with it. Especially in a situation like this where I don't know what to expect from his visit. Right now, for instance, I am sitting here thinking about all the ways that I can mess up and make myself look bad. Negative Thoughts: 1. If I mess up or answer a question wrong it will make me look like I don't know how to do my job and I'll be fired. 2. If I mess up, not only will I look bad but so will my manager. 3. If I mess up and make my manager look bad then SHE might lose her job and then it will be all my fa...

Show of hands for how many of y'all felt like you couldn't share your problems with people because you felt like your problems were insignificant compared to theirs? Ah, that's what I figured. I'm right there with you.  There have been numerous times that I hadn't shared my problems or feelings because I felt like they weren't as important as the struggles that someone else was going through. It frustrates me because on one hand I feel like my problems matter just as much as theirs even if they seem insignificant. On the other hand I feel like I shouldn't be complaining about anything because I have it "good" compared to what they are dealing with.  Now let me tell you something. It's bull! We all need to vent. It's healthy to vent. If we didn't we would all explode like a soda that had been shaken. All the pressure builds up and then Ka-Boom!  Each individual has their own issues that they are dealing with and just becaus...