An Anxious Girl In A Scary World

Hey Everyone! Just wanted to inform you all that I'm in the process of moving my blog over to a different platform. I don't know if you are familiar with WordPress, but that is where I will be blogging. If you'd like to keep up with my posts, I invite you to follow me on WordPress. You can find my new blog here:  My New Blog On this new blog you will find the some of the same information I've shared with you here as well as new information, advice, and helpful tips & tricks. I hope you all know how much I've enjoyed writing for you and I hope you decide to keep up with me on my new blog. Thank you all for your support and understanding. With Love & Support, Molly

I am a river. Go with the flow. The past couple of days I’ve had to say this to myself repeatedly. Things were getting pretty hectic at work and I was becoming extremely frustrated, agitated, and stressed out. I was receiving a lot of attitude from my new managers when I tried to help them correct mistakes they were making or inform them of things they didn’t know. I had tried numerous times to offer advice and help but they wanted nothing to do with it. They would basically just say, “fuck it, I’m doing it my way,” regardless of if it were wrong or right. The store was constantly in a state of chaos. It was driving me nuts! Especially because I was trying to do my best to help them succeed and I was met with nothing but attitude. So, because of all the hullabaloo, I was coming home after every shift with the weight of everything that happened at work on my shoulders. Not only had all the stress begun to affect my workmanship but it also started affecting my home life. I wa...

Every person with anxiety has certain triggers that set them off. It varies for each person and can depends on what type of anxiety they are dealing with. It’s important to recognize those triggers so that way you can best decide which course of action you should to take to manage it. Majors stressors can range from your physical health to things happening in your everyday life, such as stress from work or your home life. Stress can also occur from previous experiences like a past trauma or a situation that scared you. I’ve always recommended writing down your thoughts and I recommend doing that here as well. When you start to have anxious feelings, write them down. It could help you identify which triggers are the cause of your anxiety. Consider things like: What were you thinking of right before? What situation, if any, occurred right before? Were there any physical symptoms that appeared like, sweaty palms or a pounding heart? If you continue to document your feel...

Good morning!  Today I turn 25! Happy birthday to me!  As I sip my coffee on this beautiful morning, I can’t help but think back on my journey.  The past twenty-something years has been filled with so much from bumpy roads and speed blocks to milestones and triumphs.  I’ve had numerous break downs, heartaches, and tough lessons to learn. I’ve had new friendships, relationships, and I’ve broken through many barriers.  Living with anxiety has not been an easy task nor is it something I would wish on others but it’s helped shape me into the woman I am today. And I am proud of that woman. I’ve overcome many obstacles that I thought would cripple me. I’ve learned valuable lessons in the midst of despair. In these twenty-something years I’ve grown into a stronger, more confident woman.  If there’s one thing that’s remained a constant over the years, it’s Faith. Faith that everything will work out. Faith in the process. Faith in a higher power....

I recently read an article that said that having no boundaries is a byproduct of having no self-esteem. As much as I didn’t like how that made me feel I can admit that it’s true. In her article, O’Brien said, “ Boundaries are representative of how much or little you respect yourself. ”   What I got from that statement is that if we don’t have any respect for our own feelings and emotions then we allow ourselves to be mistreated and our boundaries to be stepped on. Boundaries are defined as guidelines, rules, or limits that a person creates to identify reasonable, safe and permissible ways for other people to behave towards them and how they will respond when someone passes those limits. It’s easy to say, “okay, these are my boundaries,” but it’s much more difficult to enforce them. We have to openly communicate what are boundaries are and make sure we’re following through with the execution otherwise we’re contradicting what we said. O’Brien stated, “ One way to quickly get s...

Something I learned quite recently is that not everything requires a reaction. This year, I have worked under two different managers at my job. The first one I had was meh. She was a bit much and she had that “my way or the highway” attitude. She and I clashed…a lot. We got along fine some days but there were some when I just absolutely could not stand her. I had been working there for about a year and a half when she started so I was used to a particular routine and doing this a certain way and she came in she flipped a lot of things around. She was like a bull in a china shop. As someone who needs organization and likes routine, this was a very rough adjustment for me. Actually, I basically refused to adjust. I hated everything she did, everything she suggested, and how she managed the store. I constantly found myself pushing back against her suggestions or ideas or advice. I pretty much vetoed everything and continued to do things the way I always had. (I am known to be extremel...

Good afternoon! So I’m sure I’ve already made a post about getting feedback from you all but I wanted to post it again because I really really would love if you guys would share your opinions or thoughts or feedback. At the top left corner of my blog there are three little dashes that you can click to open up a sidebar. On the sidebar you can find a little blurb about me, a follow by email link where you can get email updates any time I submit a blog post, and towards the bottom there is a section were you can write to me. The message will go directly to my personal email associated with the blog. You don't have to name yourself if you feel uncomfortable doing so. Things you can message me about: - topics you want me to discuss - questions - opinions - feedback - personal stories (will remain confidential) - advice - just to say "Hello!" - anything else you can think of Also, don't be afraid to comment on any of the posts either! It's welcomed ...

Sweaty palms Constant elevated heart rate Constant pit in my stomach Paranoia Excessive thinking Constantly worrying Self – Doubt Lack of confidence Fear of failing Trying to please everyone The list above is just a few of the things I struggle with every day. They might not be visible to anyone else, but they are a constant in my life. Every day I have to deal with one, a few, or all of those, for lack of a better word, symptoms. When I was younger I had no idea anxiety was even a thing. I can’t remember ever hearing the word “anxiety.” I just assumed that I was the way I was and that it was normal to feel the way I did. I was well into high school when I finally realized that what I was feeling wasn’t normal at all. The degree of anxiousness I would feel would absolutely cripple me. I was having panic attacks and crying hysterically over what your average person would define as something “simple.” Throughout all the years I’ve spent in sc...

I’m one of those people who loves to make up scenarios/stories in my head. Sometimes it’s the only way I can stop thinking about what’s going on my daily life. It’s the only thing I can do to escape. There are some days when facing reality is just too hard. Most of the time, the stories I make up are based on movies I’ve seen or books I’ve read, and I throw my own twist on them. I create alter-egos and different personalities. Sometimes the things I make up are what I wish my life was like or who I wish I could be. I give myself a new name, a new look, a new job, new home, new school, new enemies, and new love interest. I’m confident. I’m drop dead gorgeous, I’m a catch. I stand up to the bullies, I stand up for myself. I get the handsome guy who comes to my rescue. Everything always works out in my favor. The problem is that, because I spend so much time in this fantasy world, I have a hard time facing actual reality and the truths of the world. I’m not the confident pe...

My thoughts are spiraling. They are getting out of control and I can’t stop them. Every scenario of what could go wrong is playing in my mind. I'm replaying a conversation over in my head again. I'm running through every scenario and every possible outcome. When we get into that mindset, I know how hard it is to pull ourselves out. Especially when you're trying to get some sleep. It seems like you’ll never get your mind to shut up. It’s normal to have those kinds of thoughts but when you’re working yourself up and reaching the point of extreme anxiousness, that’s a problem. You’ve entered the realm of overthinking. I would always like to run through every possibility of what could happen and devise a plan of action for each so that way I was prepared for if it did happen. The possibilities can be endless though and spending so much time worrying about it was physically making me sick. I would get headaches and my stomach would be in knots making me nauseous. How do...

I have this friend, whom I love, but I had to distance myself from. She’s a wonderful person but she was always so negative about everything. It was always such a downer. I'm generally a happy and bubbly person but jeeeeze, that sort of negativity always popped my bubble of sunshine. Any time something didn’t go her way she always said God was punishing her or that God hated her. Even when something good did come her way she found a way to turn it into something negative.  When she and I would hang out I would do my best to try to get her see things differently or show her to look at things in a more positive light, but she would have nothing to do with it. She would point out the negative aspect and focus solely on that. I had lent her a serious amount of money, so she could get herself out of a tight spot she was in and while she was grateful in the beginning, it didn’t last long. Later on down the road, like a month or so later, she said something along the lines of how...

How do you tell your significant other you have anxiety? Do you tell them at all? Should you tell them? Those are questions I've often wondered. I've been in quite a few relationships and I've taken different approaches.What I've found is that, for myself, it's better to be upfront and honest about it. For a time I was absolutely ashamed of the fact that I suffered from social anxiety and having to tell someone that left me feeling so vulnerable. Vulnerable to judgement and ridicule. I was so afraid that my partner would either make fun of me, belittle me or leave me that I would keep that little fact to myself and fight through whatever may come our way. More often than not, it didn't work. I was making up ridiculous excuses to not do something or go out so that I wouldn't have to explain to them it was my anxiety making me feel this way. I don't know when I made the decision to be forward about it I just remember doing it and that's what I...

As many of you may know, combating your anxiety in the workplace is no easy task. You might find it ironic that I suffer from social anxiety and I work in retail. Hell, even I find it ironic but it’s where I most fit in. Years ago, when I first started my job search I wanted to avoid contact with people as much as possible. I thought that a work from home job, a desk job at a small office or a receptionist would be the perfect place for me. Little did I know that working in retail was just what I needed to help combat my social anxiety. It truly has been the one thing that has helped me the most. Besides years of therapy, of course. While therapy gave me the tools to overcome the anxiety, it was ME who had to put them to use. One of the biggest challenges that I’ve faced was trying to open a line of communication with people. Generally, I would love to avoid talking to people in the first place but since it’s literally my job, I had to get over that pretty quickly. Every day ...

I’m not a natural born leader. Some people have the ability to lead in their blood. My best friend, for example, is a natural born leader. She has a strong personality and people follow her willingly without her having to try.  For me, it’s a learned skill. One that I’m still learning in fact and one that I’m not the best at. Having the anxiety tied in with the fact that I also have a low self esteem and low sense of self worth make leading even harder. If I don’t believe in myself how can I expect others to believe in me?  There are days at work where I’d have to make a tough call and act as a manger and not as just a coworker or a friend.  When it comes to “calling someone out” I chicken out and I’ll lean on a superior to make that tough call for me.  I knew that if I really wanted to succeed at being a good manager I’d have to deal with those situations myself. The reason I would always pass the job onto a superior is because I didn’t have the confide...

Making new friends is tough. Especially for someone who has such crippling anxiety. These last couple of months I’ve been enduring some of the worse anxiety I’ve had in a while.  One of my best friends is getting married and I am one of 6 bridesmaids. Which is all fine and dandy except for the fact that I have to interact with all of them on many an occasion.  I’ve had to endure dress fittings, brunches, movie & t-shirt decorating parties, long distance drives, and bridal showers.  These things are not out of the ordinary for a bridesmaid but to me it’s almost been torture.  I’ve been so self conscious about not only my body, but about how I talk, what my laugh sounds like, what my makeup looks like, how I’m acting. I’m constantly worrying about whether I’m talking too loudly or laughing too obnoxiously. I’m worried about saying the wrong thing or oversharing. Every time I’m with the girls I’m in this constant state of anxiety.  I will say ...

Good morning everyone! Yesterday morning and this morning I was having a struggle. I felt as if I had hit this roadblock in my life and I wasn't sure how to move forward. I say all the time that in order for us to move forward that we have to do whatever work is necessary otherwise we'll be stuck at the same point in our lives for the rest of our lives. I have to be honest with you guys... I've been slacking pretty hard at doing the work that's needed for me to move forward but I've hit the point today where I'm like, something's gotta give. I cannot sit around and complain anymore. I can't keep doing the same thing day in and day out and expect anything to move in the direction I want it to. I know we all get into ruts and it's hard to climb out of them when you feel that low but I've consciously made the decision that I can't be there any more. I need to get out. I wasn't really sure where to start and I was struggling with wh...

There must be something I’m not learning from all of these relationships or something that I’m not accepting about these relationships because I keep finding myself in the same ones over and over again. Today’s reading in The Language of Letting Go was about surrender. It was about overcoming our current circumstance and how the circumstance we are in right now holds a valuable lesson for us even if we don’t know what that lesson is now. The reading also says, “We must go through it until we learn, until we accept, until we become grateful, until we are set free.” So, until I learn my lesson I have a feeling that I’m going to end up in this endless loop of damaged no good men. I also have a feeling that the lessons I must learn are how to put up boundaries and self-advocate. I know that those are the two things that I struggle with not only in my relationships but in my everyday life. Another lesson could be that I can’t change these men no matter how hard I try or how much I wa...

I just heard of Kate Spades passing. Did you know she suffered from depression? I didn’t. (For those of you who don’t know, Kate Spade was a designer.) She was found in her apartment in NY, an apparent suicide. It just goes to show that mental disorders can affect anyone. It doesn’t matter what your skin color is, what your religion is, what your gender is. I also read an article this morning about how someone had made a post about how we as a society don’t talk about mental illness like we would any other illness and how we don’t treat mental illness like we treat those who have an “actual disease” and it got me thinking about how absolutely true that is. From what I’ve seen these days people around my age (early twenties) acknowledge it more so than some of the older generations. We’ve definitely taken a step forwards in some regards because mental illness is showing up more in movies and TV shows like 13 Reasons Why but again, it’s not really talked about. Only when...

Good Morning! I apologize once again for not writing in a while, I've been dealing with a family emergency. Although, I've come to the conclusion that I've actually not been dealing with the recent situation in the most healthy way I could. I've reverted to the same tactics I usually do when going through some sort of crisis. It's been a pretty difficult time for the entire family and we've all been trying to be strong for one another and hold ourselves together... Perhaps I should offer some back story. My grandfather, who lives with me, my mom and dad, had a massive stroke about two weeks ago. He has been in the hospital trying to recover (and still is). He hasn't gotten better and he also hasn't gotten worse. But it's extremely hard to see him looking so sickly and old. The condition is a lot worse than I will explain here but needless to say, he isn't doing well and at this point we're just trying to make him as comfortable as p...

Good Morning! Let's make some moves, shall we!? How else are you supposed to make progress? That's right, you don't. Simple as that. Whether it be regarding the anxiety, co-dependency, getting a job, going to school, you cannot move forward unless you start taking action. If you don't take the necessary steps to move forward you aren't going to make any progress. You'll still be in the same place you are. Think of it as a plateau. You aren't moving backwards but you also aren't moving forwards either. For a while all I was doing was complaining about where I was in my life. I was complaining about my job and my crap relationship and how my life wasn't going anywhere. I was going to my therapist week after week talking about the same thing over and over again. It wasn't until I was a couple of weeks in that she had brought it to my attention that that's all I was doing. Complaining. Complaining about my problems wasn't going to fix...