What Anxiety Is To Me

Sweaty palms

Constant elevated heart rate

Constant pit in my stomach

Paranoia

Excessive thinking

Constantly worrying

Self – Doubt

Lack of confidence

Fear of failing

Trying to please everyone

The list above is just a few of the things I struggle with every day. They might not be visible to anyone else, but they are a constant in my life. Every day I have to deal with one, a few, or all of those, for lack of a better word, symptoms.

When I was younger I had no idea anxiety was even a thing. I can’t remember ever hearing the word “anxiety.” I just assumed that I was the way I was and that it was normal to feel the way I did.

I was well into high school when I finally realized that what I was feeling wasn’t normal at all. The degree of anxiousness I would feel would absolutely cripple me. I was having panic attacks and crying hysterically over what your average person would define as something “simple.”

Throughout all the years I’ve spent in school, I’ve always hated being called on in class. I hated having to present projects in front of the class. I hated standing alone in line at the cafeteria and then having to walk by myself to a table. I hated asking for the bathroom pass in class because I knew I would have to walk past all my classmates to get it. I would sit there, hurting from having to use the bathroom so badly.

I can specifically recall a time in second grade where my teacher had called on me to answer a math question aloud and I was mortified. First of all, math was never my strong suit and to this day, math is still a sore subject. But anyways, I could feel my heart racing, my face flushing and turning bright red, which only made me feel worse because I knew everyone could see it.

I’ve always wondered whether that was the start of my anxiety or if the anxiety manifested later in my life. It’s possible that I’ve always had it, but it intensified over the years and became unmanageable.

Anxiety can appear in multiple forms and can be more severe for some than it is for others. It can develop early on at a young age or many years later in adulthood. Regardless, it’s a struggle we’re facing every day. But, hopefully, you’ll realize one day that you don’t have to face it alone.

With Love & Support,

Molly