Relationships
Hello!
*Heads up! It's a long one!*
So this evening I wanted to talk about relationships. There are so many of them, aren't there? The relationship we have with family members, friends, coworkers, partners, ourselves. Each relationship helps shape us into who we are. Or have helps us see what we don't want to become. They test us, they challenge us, they change us, they help us grow.
Sometimes we get lucky and have long lasting, healthy relationships with the people who come into our lives. Some come into our life by chance and others we are born into. Despite all the therapy, there are times when we (I) enter into relationships that we (I) know are damaging and toxic and those are the relationships I want to talk about today.
If you're lucky you won't ever have to experience a toxic relationship and I pray that you don't. But I, have not been so fortunate.
I have watched my mother for... practically my entire life deal with a toxic person and funny enough, it's her own sister. She's toxic in the sense that she's always somber and always about the drama and she always wants to bring my mom into her chasm of negativity and melancholy. She's sometimes rude and hurtful and she makes my mother feel bad about herself.
My first personal toxic relationship started when I was in the fourth grade. I met a girl who would later become my best friend. We were inseparable. We did everything together throughout elementary school, middle school, and finally high school. It wasn't until after we stopped being friends that I realized she was a toxic person. Because I didn't want to lose her or ruin our friendship, I was constantly going along with her crazy schemes, lying, and sneaking around. I was letting her basically run our entire friendship and I wasn't stopping it or standing up for myself and so it continued like this for years. I was doing things and going along with things that I didn't want to. I did things that I wouldn't have done if it hadn't been for her and not all of those things were good or things that I'm proud of. When she stopped being my friend, it sucked and I didn't understand it but after a while I realized that I have learned some valuable things from that friendship.
The second toxic relationship was the 6&1/2 year relationship I had with my ex boyfriend A.. I was madly, blindly in love with him. I missed all the signs of the alcoholism, the mental abuse, the addiction. He would frequently put me down and say the kinds of things one should never say to a woman. After talking about my relationship with my therapist I knew that this wasn't a loving relationship and it wasn't healthy. So, a year later, I left him.
The third, and worst, toxic relationship was the relationship I had with my most recent ex boyfriend M. M. was something different entirely. I was enthralled by him right away and I fell fast and hard for him. Like the relationship with A. I had entirely missed every single warning sign. I was deaf to the alarms going off warning me of the imminent toxicity. (it's quite dumbfounding how naïve and ridiculous I was to have gotten myself into this one). M. had me right under his thumb. I broke all of my rules for him. He was disrespectful, malicious, deceitful, and he put my in harms way time and time and time again. He was a felon, an alcoholic, a drug addict, a thief and a liar, plus way too many other things to list. I lost myself because of him. I turned into a person who I never thought I could become. i had convinced myself that this was what love was so I accepted it. But, once again, thanks to an amazing therapist, I'm out of that relationship. I know now that if I had stayed in that relationship things wouldn't have ended well for me.
I've learned a lot from those relationships and while I sometimes wish I never experienced them I am grateful for some of those experiences. I have emerged from each of those relationships a little bit wiser and stronger.
Toxic relationships aren't always the relationships with your partners. It could be your relationship with a family member or a friend. Regardless, watch for the signs that things aren't right. Watch out for yourself. Don't ignore the warning signs and the alarms either. Trust your gut and your instincts and if your gut is telling you something you need to listen. There isn't anything wrong with cutting ties with a toxic person and even though it might be hard to do that, you will be grateful that you did.
If you are reading this and find that you might be in a toxic relationship do yourself a favor and tell someone about it. Don't wait. Being in a toxic relationship is so mentally and physically and sometimes financially draining and it's not fun. It's not healthy and no one should have to endure the toxicity of another person.
Like I've said before, you have to take care of yourself. No one else is going to do it for you. You are all strong individuals who deserve nothing but happiness, a sense of self worth, love, and healthy relationships.
With Love & Support,
Anxiety Girl
If you're lucky you won't ever have to experience a toxic relationship and I pray that you don't. But I, have not been so fortunate.
I have watched my mother for... practically my entire life deal with a toxic person and funny enough, it's her own sister. She's toxic in the sense that she's always somber and always about the drama and she always wants to bring my mom into her chasm of negativity and melancholy. She's sometimes rude and hurtful and she makes my mother feel bad about herself.
My first personal toxic relationship started when I was in the fourth grade. I met a girl who would later become my best friend. We were inseparable. We did everything together throughout elementary school, middle school, and finally high school. It wasn't until after we stopped being friends that I realized she was a toxic person. Because I didn't want to lose her or ruin our friendship, I was constantly going along with her crazy schemes, lying, and sneaking around. I was letting her basically run our entire friendship and I wasn't stopping it or standing up for myself and so it continued like this for years. I was doing things and going along with things that I didn't want to. I did things that I wouldn't have done if it hadn't been for her and not all of those things were good or things that I'm proud of. When she stopped being my friend, it sucked and I didn't understand it but after a while I realized that I have learned some valuable things from that friendship.
The second toxic relationship was the 6&1/2 year relationship I had with my ex boyfriend A.. I was madly, blindly in love with him. I missed all the signs of the alcoholism, the mental abuse, the addiction. He would frequently put me down and say the kinds of things one should never say to a woman. After talking about my relationship with my therapist I knew that this wasn't a loving relationship and it wasn't healthy. So, a year later, I left him.
The third, and worst, toxic relationship was the relationship I had with my most recent ex boyfriend M. M. was something different entirely. I was enthralled by him right away and I fell fast and hard for him. Like the relationship with A. I had entirely missed every single warning sign. I was deaf to the alarms going off warning me of the imminent toxicity. (it's quite dumbfounding how naïve and ridiculous I was to have gotten myself into this one). M. had me right under his thumb. I broke all of my rules for him. He was disrespectful, malicious, deceitful, and he put my in harms way time and time and time again. He was a felon, an alcoholic, a drug addict, a thief and a liar, plus way too many other things to list. I lost myself because of him. I turned into a person who I never thought I could become. i had convinced myself that this was what love was so I accepted it. But, once again, thanks to an amazing therapist, I'm out of that relationship. I know now that if I had stayed in that relationship things wouldn't have ended well for me.
I've learned a lot from those relationships and while I sometimes wish I never experienced them I am grateful for some of those experiences. I have emerged from each of those relationships a little bit wiser and stronger.
Toxic relationships aren't always the relationships with your partners. It could be your relationship with a family member or a friend. Regardless, watch for the signs that things aren't right. Watch out for yourself. Don't ignore the warning signs and the alarms either. Trust your gut and your instincts and if your gut is telling you something you need to listen. There isn't anything wrong with cutting ties with a toxic person and even though it might be hard to do that, you will be grateful that you did.
If you are reading this and find that you might be in a toxic relationship do yourself a favor and tell someone about it. Don't wait. Being in a toxic relationship is so mentally and physically and sometimes financially draining and it's not fun. It's not healthy and no one should have to endure the toxicity of another person.
Like I've said before, you have to take care of yourself. No one else is going to do it for you. You are all strong individuals who deserve nothing but happiness, a sense of self worth, love, and healthy relationships.
With Love & Support,
Anxiety Girl
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