Exposure

Let's Define "Social Anxiety"

According to WebMD, social anxiety disorder, also called social phobia, is an anxiety disorder in which a person has an excessive and unreasonable fear of social situations. Anxiety (intense nervousness) and self-consciousness arise from a fear of being closely watched, judged, and criticized by others.

     While I was in therapy it was discovered that I had social anxiety disorder. One of the main things that I was told was that the best solution to my anxiety was exposure. 

     I looked at my therapist like "what?" What in the hell does that mean? 

Let's define "exposure" 

Exposure is: the fact or condition of being affected by something or experiencing something : the condition of being exposed to something

     What this means is that the best way for me to overcome my fears and battle through the anxiety, I had to expose myself to the things I was afraid of. Honestly, that was the single most terrifying thing that my therapist had said to me in the 4 years I had seen her. 

In my mind I was so confused. Like no lady that's not a solution that's just a way to ensure my death. No way was I going to do that nonsense. 

     She explained to me that what I'm afraid if is really not the ACT I'm afraid of. It's how I'll look to others and what people might think of me that I'm afraid of. What might happen to me if I committed the act. Not the act itself. 

     Ok I thought. Kind of makes sense. So basically I had to put myself in the situations that I would generally avoid at all costs.

     So that meant: driving, making phone calls, going to the store by myself, using the public restrooms by myself, going out to public places  with my friends, ordering food by myself, going into stores and asking if they're hiring, going TO an interview, so on and so forth. 

     Now, it wasn't driving I was afraid of it was either being pulled over or being in an accident and having people see me and know me, that I was afraid of. 

     It wasn't making a phone call that was scary it was the thought that I would be somehow judged over the phone. 

     It wasn't going to the store, using the restroom or ordering food that scared me, it was worrying about being judged as I did those things. 

     What most of these have in common is that it was JUDGEMENT that I was afraid of. Not the actual situation. 

     When I told my therapist this she had said told me that people will always judge you and for the most part it has nothing to do with you. People judge others because one, they are jealous that you have something they don't. Two, they judge you because THEY are insecure. Three, that's just how things are in society today. People will judge. 

     You and I shouldn't be afraid to do something because of what others MIGHT think. So, naturally, to get over that fear we must subject ourself to the fear. In doing so, we will find that it's not as scary as we thought. Also, the more times we subject ourselves to it the easier it will be become to do. Not only will it be easier, but it will give us the courage to do them again and again. Then, after doing them numerous times, we won't even give it a second thought about doing it the next time.

     I can honestly say that after exposing myself to the things that once scared me silly, I have gained the courage to do anything I set my mid to.  

     I can drive without having a panic attack. I can comfortably make make phone calls. I can confidently stride to the ladies room without fearing judgment. I can order food easily all  while maintaining eye contact. I can easily saunter into any grocery store, department store and gas station and not give a rats ass whether people look at me or judge me. 

     If you try this technique start off by doing something small. The saying "go big or go home" is nonsense. Erase that from your mind.  Don't do something too overwhelming because if it's too scary you will be more apt to NEVER trying it again and we don't want that. Baby steps.

     I am well aware that this concept is scary. We have avoided certain situations for so long that thinking about putting ourselves in them on purpose seems utterly ridiculous. I assure you, it will pay off. Before you know it you'll be strutting your stuff and walking around (or driving around) like you own the place. 

So middle fingers up the anxiety! Good Luck & Happy Exposing! 

With Love & Support,

Anxiety Girl - xoxo