Guilt

Guilt McGuilterson should be my new name. I might legally change it, in fact. Kidding! I just have to say, I am the queen of being guilted. It’s honestly so easy to guilt me into anything. I’m always so concerned about being “the good friend” or the “good employee” or the “good girlfriend” that I let people take advantage of my “good” side. Throughout my entire life, I’ve been easily persuaded and I have been the perfect target for people who want to take advantage of me. I rarely say no. I rarely stand up for myself. I always get myself into a situation I would have liked to avoid. I always end up doing things for people that I didn’t want to do. I always end up going places that I didn’t want to.

This was mainly prevalent in my workplace and with my partners. At my old job, if someone called out and I was off that day, I would be the first person they called. Certain times, I didn’t mind being called in because I liked having the money but after a while it became so often that it was a nuisance. I just couldn’t bring myself to say no because the moment I did, my manager would always start going on and on about how she can’t stay or come in because she had a sick kid or she had to pick her mother up or she didn’t have enough gas or she was too sick. So, I would come in. Come to find out later on that was not the case and she would be posting on Snapchat pictures of her and her friends out drinking all night. This happened almost every time. Not only that, but the times when I really needed someone to cover me, they wouldn’t because of whatever nonsense reason. I tried to call out ONCE when I was feeling really sick and my manager made such a big stink about it that I ended up coming in. After going to the doctor the next day it turned out that I had the flu and strep throat!

I made it my mission at my next job to not be walked on like that. Now, I pretty much have the “go fuck yourself” attitude and I refuse to come into work unless it’s an emergency. I’m not sure what kind of person that makes me but I had to learn to draw the line. For myself.

I won’t go into the gory details of how guilt has affected my relationships but it’s not pretty. Especially with this last one. I’ll just say that I’ve been put in a lot of situations that I’m almost certain were 100% illegal. This happened on a daily basis too. I used to let him drive my car. Seems harmless enough, right? Wrong. It came to the point where I wasn’t even allowed to drive my own car. If I fought him on it he would throw a tantrum and get pissed. I would inevitably end up feeling guilty about making him so upset over something so trivial that I would just hand him the keys to keep the peace. I could never say no to what he wanted to do. When I did, guys, let me tell ya… it was BAD.

Guilt. What a crappy feeling. If I had pushed my guilt aside it would have saved me a lot of trouble. I wouldn’t have been put into so many probably illegal positions. I wouldn’t have let some guy put 3,000 miles on my car in two months. I wouldn’t have let my manager work me to death.

I feel that my examples are on the extreme side of things but let that be the lesson for you all. If you let the “little things” slide, it could and will undoubtedly will lead to worse and worse scenarios.

I got tired of feeling guilty all the time so, to avoid the feelings that are associated with guilt, I would just comply with whatever was going on regardless of how I felt about it. Don’t be me. Don’t let guilt be the thing that drives you. Stay true to yourself. You should be the most important person in your life and you have to take care of yourself first. There are going to be times where it makes you feel uncomfortable saying no or saying how you feel but it’s worth it. Wouldn’t you rather feel uncomfortable for a few minutes instead of being put into a position where you’re telling yourself the entire time, “I should have just said NO”? Think about that next time you find yourself in that scenario. 

Some of those “little things”:

1.      Agreeing to eat at some place you don’t like

2.      Agreeing to hang out with someone you don’t like

3.      Agreeing to hang out with someone at all when you don’t feel like it

4.      Not canceling plans with someone because you no longer feel like doing what you originally intended

5.      Going into work when called in when you don’t want to

Also, if you find yourself hanging around people who constantly make you feel guilty cut them out of your life immediately. Those aren’t the types of people that you should be associating with. True friends will understand if you don’t want to do something and you guys will compromise on something else. 

With Love & Support,

Anxiety Girl - xoxo