Co-Dependency
I just recently went through a break up with my boyfriend of 6 years. It was very hard and sad. It's especially hard because I am a very dependent person. Along with my social anxiety I have a co-dependency issue. I attach to people very easily and I don't detach very well. I usually have a someone else I talk to immediately even though I'm not over my ex. I just don't know how to be alone. So, lets talk about co-dependency.
Well, this is not my first break up so I know how I usually am when I do go through one. This time I made a promise to myself I wouldn't let myself get sucked into the boy vortex. After breaking up with my first serious boyfriend I fell down the rabbit hole of boys and it took me a while to climb back out. In my mind I figured I was "finally free" so now I could go around fooling with boys, taking to boys, going out with boys. In the moment I was okay with what I was doing but in the moments where I was left with only my thoughts and feelings I started to despise myself. I was disgusted with my behavior. But I continued down the path numerous more times. (Now, to some you may be thinking "wow your a slut" or "your a disgusting person" or whatever else. And you are entitled to your opinion but if you don't know how it is to be SO codependent that you seek attention anywhere you can get it you can't really judge me and you can keep the negativity to yourself.)
But back to the point. Being a co-dependent person is hard. You don't like to be alone. You seek attention anywhere you can get it. You can put yourself in some crappy situations and ultimately you hate yourself for putting yourself in those positions. I want you to know that it's not worth it. How it makes you feel about yourself at the end of the day is what matters. If you say at the end of the day that you feel gross or you feel worse than you did before you went out with those people/boys/girls then stop. Don't keep going down that path. If you can truly say that "no that doesn't bother me" then that's fine. But for those of you who don't feel that way please read on.
You are not going to be appreciated or truly loved by the person/people who you share your time with or your body. In the moment you might feel otherwise but it's when you are only with yourself will you realize that you really aren't appreciated or loved. If you put yourself out there in a sexual way it isn't going to lead to love or a long term partner. Now, I'm not saying that all men/women are going to treat you the same but in my experience nothing good has ever come out of it. You may be different, who knows, but I am going off of my own experiences.
Living with co-dependency is pretty tough. You don't like to be alone. You can't go places alone. You have to always have someone by your side. You feel like you aren't a complete person by yourself. Sometimes you can have a pretty low self esteem. If one does find himself/herself alone, because of a break up or losing a friendship or anything like that, one will tend to seek out attention from anyone else who is willing to give it to them. It can be sexual, it can be talking to people online or on a dating site or on apps that let you chat with other people. Regardless, the form of the attention doesn't matter, it's what co-dependent people do. They seek out attention so they don't have to feel alone. But, let me tell you this. Being alone isn't so bad. You don't need attention to feel loved or to feel whole. You can give yourself the love and attention that you seek from others. Take care of yourself first. Being alone isn't scary. It's liberating. You find yourself that way. You find out what you love, what you enjoy. You learn what you are capable of on your own. You learn that you can accomplish so many things on your own.
In 22 days, since my breakup, I have: re-registered for school, I got my first very own car, I went kayaking (something I learned I really enjoyed), I ate gelato four times in a week and I didn't care if anyone judged me, I learned (and am still learning) to self advocate. I am learning how to be happy on my own.
Now, some of you may currently be in a relationship and what I want to say to you is "Woo-Hoo!" but this advice can still apply to you. You can be co-dependent and be in a relationship. I was. Just remember, you are still your own person. You are not required to like and enjoy and do everything that your significant other does. You have your own path to follow. You have your own dreams and wishes.
Being co-dependent doesn't have to control your life. Take baby steps and try something by yourself. Something little. It doesn't have to be an extreme move. Unless you want to go big then by all means. But sometimes when you do something too big, it can be a little more stressful and then you might not to want to try it or anything else again. Try walking to your nearest supermarket or gas station or friends house. Try spending a night in with yourself. Do something you wouldn't ordinarily do alone.
With Love & Support,
Anxiety Girl - xoxo
Well, this is not my first break up so I know how I usually am when I do go through one. This time I made a promise to myself I wouldn't let myself get sucked into the boy vortex. After breaking up with my first serious boyfriend I fell down the rabbit hole of boys and it took me a while to climb back out. In my mind I figured I was "finally free" so now I could go around fooling with boys, taking to boys, going out with boys. In the moment I was okay with what I was doing but in the moments where I was left with only my thoughts and feelings I started to despise myself. I was disgusted with my behavior. But I continued down the path numerous more times. (Now, to some you may be thinking "wow your a slut" or "your a disgusting person" or whatever else. And you are entitled to your opinion but if you don't know how it is to be SO codependent that you seek attention anywhere you can get it you can't really judge me and you can keep the negativity to yourself.)
But back to the point. Being a co-dependent person is hard. You don't like to be alone. You seek attention anywhere you can get it. You can put yourself in some crappy situations and ultimately you hate yourself for putting yourself in those positions. I want you to know that it's not worth it. How it makes you feel about yourself at the end of the day is what matters. If you say at the end of the day that you feel gross or you feel worse than you did before you went out with those people/boys/girls then stop. Don't keep going down that path. If you can truly say that "no that doesn't bother me" then that's fine. But for those of you who don't feel that way please read on.
You are not going to be appreciated or truly loved by the person/people who you share your time with or your body. In the moment you might feel otherwise but it's when you are only with yourself will you realize that you really aren't appreciated or loved. If you put yourself out there in a sexual way it isn't going to lead to love or a long term partner. Now, I'm not saying that all men/women are going to treat you the same but in my experience nothing good has ever come out of it. You may be different, who knows, but I am going off of my own experiences.
Living with co-dependency is pretty tough. You don't like to be alone. You can't go places alone. You have to always have someone by your side. You feel like you aren't a complete person by yourself. Sometimes you can have a pretty low self esteem. If one does find himself/herself alone, because of a break up or losing a friendship or anything like that, one will tend to seek out attention from anyone else who is willing to give it to them. It can be sexual, it can be talking to people online or on a dating site or on apps that let you chat with other people. Regardless, the form of the attention doesn't matter, it's what co-dependent people do. They seek out attention so they don't have to feel alone. But, let me tell you this. Being alone isn't so bad. You don't need attention to feel loved or to feel whole. You can give yourself the love and attention that you seek from others. Take care of yourself first. Being alone isn't scary. It's liberating. You find yourself that way. You find out what you love, what you enjoy. You learn what you are capable of on your own. You learn that you can accomplish so many things on your own.
In 22 days, since my breakup, I have: re-registered for school, I got my first very own car, I went kayaking (something I learned I really enjoyed), I ate gelato four times in a week and I didn't care if anyone judged me, I learned (and am still learning) to self advocate. I am learning how to be happy on my own.
Now, some of you may currently be in a relationship and what I want to say to you is "Woo-Hoo!" but this advice can still apply to you. You can be co-dependent and be in a relationship. I was. Just remember, you are still your own person. You are not required to like and enjoy and do everything that your significant other does. You have your own path to follow. You have your own dreams and wishes.
Being co-dependent doesn't have to control your life. Take baby steps and try something by yourself. Something little. It doesn't have to be an extreme move. Unless you want to go big then by all means. But sometimes when you do something too big, it can be a little more stressful and then you might not to want to try it or anything else again. Try walking to your nearest supermarket or gas station or friends house. Try spending a night in with yourself. Do something you wouldn't ordinarily do alone.
With Love & Support,
Anxiety Girl - xoxo
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