An Anxious Girl In A Scary World

Sweaty palms Constant elevated heart rate Constant pit in my stomach Paranoia Excessive thinking Constantly worrying Self – Doubt Lack of confidence Fear of failing Trying to please everyone The list above is just a few of the things I struggle with every day. They might not be visible to anyone else, but they are a constant in my life. Every day I have to deal with one, a few, or all of those, for lack of a better word, symptoms. When I was younger I had no idea anxiety was even a thing. I can’t remember ever hearing the word “anxiety.” I just assumed that I was the way I was and that it was normal to feel the way I did. I was well into high school when I finally realized that what I was feeling wasn’t normal at all. The degree of anxiousness I would feel would absolutely cripple me. I was having panic attacks and crying hysterically over what your average person would define as something “simple.” Throughout all the years I’ve spent in sc...

I’m one of those people who loves to make up scenarios/stories in my head. Sometimes it’s the only way I can stop thinking about what’s going on my daily life. It’s the only thing I can do to escape. There are some days when facing reality is just too hard. Most of the time, the stories I make up are based on movies I’ve seen or books I’ve read, and I throw my own twist on them. I create alter-egos and different personalities. Sometimes the things I make up are what I wish my life was like or who I wish I could be. I give myself a new name, a new look, a new job, new home, new school, new enemies, and new love interest. I’m confident. I’m drop dead gorgeous, I’m a catch. I stand up to the bullies, I stand up for myself. I get the handsome guy who comes to my rescue. Everything always works out in my favor. The problem is that, because I spend so much time in this fantasy world, I have a hard time facing actual reality and the truths of the world. I’m not the confident pe...

My thoughts are spiraling. They are getting out of control and I can’t stop them. Every scenario of what could go wrong is playing in my mind. I'm replaying a conversation over in my head again. I'm running through every scenario and every possible outcome. When we get into that mindset, I know how hard it is to pull ourselves out. Especially when you're trying to get some sleep. It seems like you’ll never get your mind to shut up. It’s normal to have those kinds of thoughts but when you’re working yourself up and reaching the point of extreme anxiousness, that’s a problem. You’ve entered the realm of overthinking. I would always like to run through every possibility of what could happen and devise a plan of action for each so that way I was prepared for if it did happen. The possibilities can be endless though and spending so much time worrying about it was physically making me sick. I would get headaches and my stomach would be in knots making me nauseous. How do...

I have this friend, whom I love, but I had to distance myself from. She’s a wonderful person but she was always so negative about everything. It was always such a downer. I'm generally a happy and bubbly person but jeeeeze, that sort of negativity always popped my bubble of sunshine. Any time something didn’t go her way she always said God was punishing her or that God hated her. Even when something good did come her way she found a way to turn it into something negative.  When she and I would hang out I would do my best to try to get her see things differently or show her to look at things in a more positive light, but she would have nothing to do with it. She would point out the negative aspect and focus solely on that. I had lent her a serious amount of money, so she could get herself out of a tight spot she was in and while she was grateful in the beginning, it didn’t last long. Later on down the road, like a month or so later, she said something along the lines of how...

How do you tell your significant other you have anxiety? Do you tell them at all? Should you tell them? Those are questions I've often wondered. I've been in quite a few relationships and I've taken different approaches.What I've found is that, for myself, it's better to be upfront and honest about it. For a time I was absolutely ashamed of the fact that I suffered from social anxiety and having to tell someone that left me feeling so vulnerable. Vulnerable to judgement and ridicule. I was so afraid that my partner would either make fun of me, belittle me or leave me that I would keep that little fact to myself and fight through whatever may come our way. More often than not, it didn't work. I was making up ridiculous excuses to not do something or go out so that I wouldn't have to explain to them it was my anxiety making me feel this way. I don't know when I made the decision to be forward about it I just remember doing it and that's what I...

As many of you may know, combating your anxiety in the workplace is no easy task. You might find it ironic that I suffer from social anxiety and I work in retail. Hell, even I find it ironic but it’s where I most fit in. Years ago, when I first started my job search I wanted to avoid contact with people as much as possible. I thought that a work from home job, a desk job at a small office or a receptionist would be the perfect place for me. Little did I know that working in retail was just what I needed to help combat my social anxiety. It truly has been the one thing that has helped me the most. Besides years of therapy, of course. While therapy gave me the tools to overcome the anxiety, it was ME who had to put them to use. One of the biggest challenges that I’ve faced was trying to open a line of communication with people. Generally, I would love to avoid talking to people in the first place but since it’s literally my job, I had to get over that pretty quickly. Every day ...

I’m not a natural born leader. Some people have the ability to lead in their blood. My best friend, for example, is a natural born leader. She has a strong personality and people follow her willingly without her having to try.  For me, it’s a learned skill. One that I’m still learning in fact and one that I’m not the best at. Having the anxiety tied in with the fact that I also have a low self esteem and low sense of self worth make leading even harder. If I don’t believe in myself how can I expect others to believe in me?  There are days at work where I’d have to make a tough call and act as a manger and not as just a coworker or a friend.  When it comes to “calling someone out” I chicken out and I’ll lean on a superior to make that tough call for me.  I knew that if I really wanted to succeed at being a good manager I’d have to deal with those situations myself. The reason I would always pass the job onto a superior is because I didn’t have the confide...