An Anxious Girl In A Scary World

Good Morning! I'm sorry I hadn't posted last week, I was on vacation! This vacation was something I truly needed and I didn't know how much I needed it until I arrived in Ohio with my family. I had been so stressed our and overwhelmed with the changes that were happening at my job and I was tense and living in a state of anxiousness all the time due to the aspects of my recent breakup. When I got to Ohio, it was like a breath of fresh air. I didn't have to worry about anything and I didn't let myself worry either. It's so easy for us to be consumed by the hustle and bustle of everyday life. We're always on the go, always moving. We become so engrossed in what we're doing that there are times we don't get a moments peace for ourselves. It's exhausting. It's mentally and physically draining. During my trip I sat around this lovely Victorian house with my family, I drank more beer that week than I have in an entire month, I explored a cem...

Morning world! We are all faced with temptations. Not all temptations are bad and not all temptations have to be avoided but this morning I want to talk about the ones that should be avoided. For every person, each temptation is different. Regarding the anxiety, my biggest temptation was sitting at home in my comfort zone. I wanted to avoid people at all costs. I wanted to avoid going out with my friends. Although I knew that in order for me to battle the anxiety I had to go out and expose myself, I fought it every chance I got. I never knew what kind of situation I would end up in if I ventured out my door and I didn't want to find out either. I was always flooding my brain with negative thoughts and made up scenarios of how bad things could be. Regarding the co-dependency, my biggest temptation is texting/calling someone who I ought not to be having contact with. I know that if I did have contact with that person I would be putting myself at risk of falling back into a to...

Evening Y'all! I had a minor setback a couple of days ago and another one today. Honestly, I'm a little disappointed in myself because I've made such good progress and it's a little disheartening. But, I am going to make the conscious decision right this second to not let this deter me from my path of recovery. I am going to let this be a learning experience. I'm going to get over this obstacle and emerge on the other side just a little bit stronger than I was. Too many times I think we’ve allowed ourselves to become so discouraged by a choice we’ve made that we give up because it seems so much easier than having to admit to ourselves we’ve made a mistake. Instead, I think we should own that. Hold ourselves accountable for the mistakes or the decisions that lead up to this point. We can’t keep going through life always blaming others or blaming things for our actions. We are all faced with a choice one way or another and no matter what choice we make there are ...

Good Evening! My job has been recently implementing some changes and they were just put into effect last week. Corporate has decided to get rid of certain positions and alter the pre-existing ones. My position was one of the ones that were eliminated. Ugh. So, unfortunately for me, I am no longer a manager. They've kept me on though so it's not like I've lost my job. I was demoted.  It's got me feeling a type of way and I'm trying very hard not to take it personally because the reality of the situation is that it's not personal. It's business. This change affected all employees of the company who held my position in other stores, not just my store. I've had to remind myself of this like 8 billion times today. I'm finding that I'm really dwelling on the negative a lot today. Dwelling on the negative is one of those pesky automatic thoughts. It's so hard sometimes to break the habit of doing that especially because I've been ...

Hey Y'all! So, I don't really have anything major to report but that's a good thing! The things that I'm struggling with these past few days actually aren't related to anxiety or co-dependency. They are just your run of the mill young adult problems. I have to say though, it feels kind of nice to just feel like a normal girl. A part of me is waiting for the other shoe to drop. You guys ever feel like things are too good to be true? That it's almost suspicious that things are going well? That's a little bit like how I feel. I've had a pretty good couple of days; no drama, no anxiety, no co-dependency issues. Actually, I feel like how good it's been is going to start giving me anxiety, haha! In all seriousness, I've spent my entire life trying to cope with and manage anxiety. Ever since I can remember, it's been there. Then this year, the ADD and dependent personality disorder comes to light and it's like, ugh! Great! Another thing fo...

Guilt McGuilterson should be my new name. I might legally change it, in fact. Kidding! I just have to say, I am the queen of being guilted. It’s honestly so easy to guilt me into anything. I’m always so concerned about being “the good friend” or the “good employee” or the “good girlfriend” that I let people take advantage of my “good” side. Throughout my entire life, I’ve been easily persuaded and I have been the perfect target for people who want to take advantage of me. I rarely say no. I rarely stand up for myself. I always get myself into a situation I would have liked to avoid. I always end up doing things for people that I didn’t want to do. I always end up going places that I didn’t want to. This was mainly prevalent in my workplace and with my partners. At my old job, if someone called out and I was off that day, I would be the first person they called. Certain times, I didn’t mind being called in because I liked having the money but after a while it became so often t...

Hey! During the last session with my therapist she recommended that I attend a support group for my codependency and found a meeting for me. Having social anxiety, the idea of attending a meeting with a bunch of strangers terrified me so I did a little research and I found out that they held online meetings! I can't even tell you how much of a relief that was for me. I signed up that day and also attended my first online meeting. I didn't really participate because I was nervous but I observed how the others interacted in the group. Everyone was welcomed and the moderator asked if there was anyone who would like to share. A couple of people responded and each took a turn telling the group about what they were going through at the time. There was no judgment. It was just an open, safe space for everyone to share their stories. I will be attending my second meeting tonight. Perhaps I'll share tonight. Wish me luck! I know it's tough feeling like you are going thr...