An Anxious Girl In A Scary World

There must be something I’m not learning from all of these relationships or something that I’m not accepting about these relationships because I keep finding myself in the same ones over and over again. Today’s reading in The Language of Letting Go was about surrender. It was about overcoming our current circumstance and how the circumstance we are in right now holds a valuable lesson for us even if we don’t know what that lesson is now. The reading also says, “We must go through it until we learn, until we accept, until we become grateful, until we are set free.” So, until I learn my lesson I have a feeling that I’m going to end up in this endless loop of damaged no good men. I also have a feeling that the lessons I must learn are how to put up boundaries and self-advocate. I know that those are the two things that I struggle with not only in my relationships but in my everyday life. Another lesson could be that I can’t change these men no matter how hard I try or how much I wa...

I just heard of Kate Spades passing. Did you know she suffered from depression? I didn’t. (For those of you who don’t know, Kate Spade was a designer.) She was found in her apartment in NY, an apparent suicide. It just goes to show that mental disorders can affect anyone. It doesn’t matter what your skin color is, what your religion is, what your gender is. I also read an article this morning about how someone had made a post about how we as a society don’t talk about mental illness like we would any other illness and how we don’t treat mental illness like we treat those who have an “actual disease” and it got me thinking about how absolutely true that is. From what I’ve seen these days people around my age (early twenties) acknowledge it more so than some of the older generations. We’ve definitely taken a step forwards in some regards because mental illness is showing up more in movies and TV shows like 13 Reasons Why but again, it’s not really talked about. Only when...

Good Morning! I apologize once again for not writing in a while, I've been dealing with a family emergency. Although, I've come to the conclusion that I've actually not been dealing with the recent situation in the most healthy way I could. I've reverted to the same tactics I usually do when going through some sort of crisis. It's been a pretty difficult time for the entire family and we've all been trying to be strong for one another and hold ourselves together... Perhaps I should offer some back story. My grandfather, who lives with me, my mom and dad, had a massive stroke about two weeks ago. He has been in the hospital trying to recover (and still is). He hasn't gotten better and he also hasn't gotten worse. But it's extremely hard to see him looking so sickly and old. The condition is a lot worse than I will explain here but needless to say, he isn't doing well and at this point we're just trying to make him as comfortable as p...

Good Morning! Let's make some moves, shall we!? How else are you supposed to make progress? That's right, you don't. Simple as that. Whether it be regarding the anxiety, co-dependency, getting a job, going to school, you cannot move forward unless you start taking action. If you don't take the necessary steps to move forward you aren't going to make any progress. You'll still be in the same place you are. Think of it as a plateau. You aren't moving backwards but you also aren't moving forwards either. For a while all I was doing was complaining about where I was in my life. I was complaining about my job and my crap relationship and how my life wasn't going anywhere. I was going to my therapist week after week talking about the same thing over and over again. It wasn't until I was a couple of weeks in that she had brought it to my attention that that's all I was doing. Complaining. Complaining about my problems wasn't going to fix...

Hello! *Heads up! It's a long one!* So this evening I wanted to talk about relationships. There are so many of them, aren't there? The relationship we have with family members, friends, coworkers, partners, ourselves. Each relationship helps shape us into who we are. Or have helps us see what we don't want to become. They test us, they challenge us, they change us, they help us grow.  Sometimes we get lucky and have long lasting, healthy relationships with the people who come into our lives. Some come into our life by chance and others we are born into. Despite all the therapy, there are times when we (I) enter into relationships that we (I) know are damaging and toxic and those are the relationships I want to talk about today. If you're lucky you won't ever have to experience a toxic relationship and I pray that you don't. But I, have not been so fortunate. I have watched my mother for... practically my entire life deal with a toxic person and fun...

Good Morning! I'm sorry I hadn't posted last week, I was on vacation! This vacation was something I truly needed and I didn't know how much I needed it until I arrived in Ohio with my family. I had been so stressed our and overwhelmed with the changes that were happening at my job and I was tense and living in a state of anxiousness all the time due to the aspects of my recent breakup. When I got to Ohio, it was like a breath of fresh air. I didn't have to worry about anything and I didn't let myself worry either. It's so easy for us to be consumed by the hustle and bustle of everyday life. We're always on the go, always moving. We become so engrossed in what we're doing that there are times we don't get a moments peace for ourselves. It's exhausting. It's mentally and physically draining. During my trip I sat around this lovely Victorian house with my family, I drank more beer that week than I have in an entire month, I explored a cem...

Morning world! We are all faced with temptations. Not all temptations are bad and not all temptations have to be avoided but this morning I want to talk about the ones that should be avoided. For every person, each temptation is different. Regarding the anxiety, my biggest temptation was sitting at home in my comfort zone. I wanted to avoid people at all costs. I wanted to avoid going out with my friends. Although I knew that in order for me to battle the anxiety I had to go out and expose myself, I fought it every chance I got. I never knew what kind of situation I would end up in if I ventured out my door and I didn't want to find out either. I was always flooding my brain with negative thoughts and made up scenarios of how bad things could be. Regarding the co-dependency, my biggest temptation is texting/calling someone who I ought not to be having contact with. I know that if I did have contact with that person I would be putting myself at risk of falling back into a to...